Day 1. 

Ten things I want to say to 10 different people.

1. You didn’t want to have children in the first place. You always wanted a boy to take hunting and fishing. You are the reason I will never think that I am pretty. I’m sorry for all the times I have disappointed you. I wish you never would have unlocked the door and found me. I wish you would have let me sleep forever. 

2. You are such a beautiful child. I’m sorry that I set such a bad example for you. I’m sorry that girls like us cant win in this cruel world.

3. Why are you so stern in your ways? Why cant you get your head out of 1920 and realize times have freaking changed? No one can ever please you. You passed down that trait to my unforgiving, guilt bearing, emotionless mother.

4. You put me through the worst years of my life. Everyday you would wake up and remind me of all the “sins” ive committed. I honestly feel no emotion for you. You are just someone that I am forced to deal with. You make my life a living hell. Even though you brought me into this cruel world, why would you? To keep him around? Good job. You created a wonderful hell hole to grow up in. 

5. You were my first. You are my love. You’re the only reason I’m alive today. You just had to call my parents and wake them up. The sick part of our love/hate relationship is the fact that I let you treat me like shit, then when you changed I stood up for myself and broke your heart so many times. I’m sorry for cheating on you. I’m sorry for making you cry, tearing down all the trust we built, hurting you and everyone else around us, the pain, the drama, the anger. I take the blame for it all. You are the one I see every time i close my eyes. & maybe one day we will be ready to stay together forever. But for now I want to go my own way. I want to be young careless and free. The whole thing is depressing. I fell in love with you knowing that I could never be what you wanted. 

6. How did we go from being closer than sisters to talking maybe once a month? I drive by your house every day and I think of all the silly things we used to do as kids. What happened? I tried SO HARD to fit in with your new friends and behave how you wanted me to. You used to be fun wild and silly like I was. Now you act like you are holy and righteous and better than everyone. Why? I know I’m not perfect but damn , loosen up ! You used to always be outgoing and loud life of the party! I used to be the shy one! Now you see me around and you dont even say hey? some friendship. 

7. I miss you so much. Remember how you used to call me angel? Most guys call their girls babe or baby. No one else has ever called me angel. You changed my life. We spent the best summer together. kissing under fireworks, fishing on the lake, six flags, riding four wheelers, driving around in “Dana”. You made me feel alive. You made me feel wanted. I’ll never know why God took you from me. I miss you more than anything. I would give anything just to hear your voice or have one last kiss goodbye. No one compares to you.

8. You are a self absorbed, pathetic, heartless, cunt. Karma will have fun with you. 

9. you are the only adult in my life who has accepted me. who hasnt judged me. Youre the closest thing to a grandma that I have. you took care of me since i was six weeks old. and for that I will always be thankful

10. I met you in the strangest place. Our friendship was short, but true. Your story broke my heart into a million pieces. Im so so so sorry for what your mother did to you. But you are a SURVIVOR. you are the most beautiful silly outgoing precious intelligent and entertaining girl.